If I ever find you. . . if I even even hear so much as where you live. . . I will hunt you down like a dog. I will make your children, parents, or friends weep, whichever is applicable. They will speak about your ignoble fate in hushed tones for centuries to come, saying, “This, this is what happens to children who are bad!” And it will be true. The papers won’t be able to print all the details. FOX News will have to apologize for even vaguely hinting at what was done to you. They’ll find you scattered across three counties, parts of you nailed to trees, and the rest used as fertilizer in Satan’s garden. And when I’m done with you, I’ll start on your family and your friends. So either walk away, or a make a choice you’ll regret. I’ve let you know, now you just have to make the right choice for yourself and your loved ones.

Fucker.

Modern conservative talk radio is a lot like a Gallagher show: I’m sure it made plenty of sense in the 80’s, but now I can’t figure out why the fuck anyone ever found this stuff appealing.

Every time I get my hair cut, he manages to find some way to sneak more and more grey hairs into my sideburns and temples.

I will discover his nefarious secret!

The time has come for an idea so simple and so obvious in its brilliance, that it surprises me that no one’s done it before.

Our very own case, courtesy the Dialectizer.

Case Goes Native Swedish

I’ll confess that when it comes to the games, I do have a delicious streak of the old-school in me. I’ve found DOS emulators that let me play Ultima V at real speed. When it comes to older games, I love them. I love them like fat kids love cake.

So when presented with a game which combines my undying love for medieval history with a game which is at least more turn-based than anything that people like to call strategy these days, I was instantly hooked. The game has a great medieval feel to it, capturing the diplomatic quagmire that was the feudal system. You can end up in a situation where you know you want to kick the living shit out of the guy in the next county, but if you do, you’ll have the King of Italy coming down on your ass with about 50,000 irate clones of Mario Vitale who all have far more impressive toys than a Henckels kitchen knife with which to menace your peasantry.

All in all, it’s quite the impressive game. So far as the Duchy of Bavaria, I’ve seen my fortunes wax and wane and finally wax again, as I’ve built up enough of a war chest to be able to front a decent campaign against pagan tribes in the Crimea. I came back from two generations of sickly rulers to have a decent one, Folkmar von Nordheim, who can actually get things done without fear of death or insanity. A relatively quick strike gave me three counties, and the followup attacks netted me 4 more. I was then able to create the titles of Duke of Wallachia and Duke of Moldau for myself, sending my prestige through the roof. My great-uncle Kuno von Nordheim, Bishop of Salzburg was even elected Pope, which then allowed me to become Papal Controller once I had sufficient prestige.

But of course, all good things must come to an end. Folkmar took a wound while fighting in North Africa and died a few months later, leaving his 11-year old son Konrad in charge, which is where I sit right now. You lose your prestige, you lose your piety; all I’ve got left is land and money, which can build both items up in time, provided that none of my bastard uncles decide to press their claims on the Duchy.

Sleep? What’s sleep when there are territories to conquer? Why, with enough luck, I could be King of North Africa by next week!

Once you’re done with the first article, click the link to David Neiwert’s article on proto-fascism in America. Now this is the article that gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies when I look at the current extremist political right and what they stand for. Understand that while my political standpoint is pretty far to the left, I’m not an extremist in the least and don’t believe in outlawing conservative viewpoints–I just have a healthy amount of concern for some of the viewpoints I’m seeing coming from a lot of the neo-conservative policy wonks these days.

Next week, Mindful Rage is sent to the Wolfowitz Memorial Re-Education Camp. Guest stars Merilu Henner and Alf.