All Consultants Should Be Vetted

…by a committee consisting of myself and a sawed-off shotgun.

Seriously.  The new programmer who has the cube on the other side of mine has “Bananaphone” as a fucking ringtone.  I am about to lose my goddamned mind.  The sped-up version of Bananaphone.  My eyes bleed and bile gathers in my mind.  The walls of my vision close in, tinged with flickering dark shapes of squamous horror.  Surely the end is coming now.  It must be coming.  All else and the universe is fraudulent and cruel.