A suggestion today.
If the process of cleaning your keyboard results in my having a cleaning wipe which looks like the following:
It may be time for you to develop more effective personal habits, specifically in terms of cleanliness.
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Ubuntu 8.04 “Hardy Heron” is officially released. Click the above to get your groove on.
I’m in the middle of rolling out a new desktop for an intern when a coworker walks by, and my genial nature being what it is, I make a little small talk as they’re passing. This apparently is overheard in one of the offices because a door pops open and a head pops out.
“Oh. Hi Matt.”
“Er, hi?”
“I thought you were Ray (Fernandez).”
“Oh, nope. Bigger. Whiter.”
Reaction: priceless.
Quite the day. I was stopped no less than six times on my way to the cafeteria. A few nominally reasonable questions as we have some conferences coming up in the building, but a lot of pablum as well. After finally making my way to the microwave to heat up my food, I pop over to get some ice for my soda and turn around to someone blocking my way back to the microwave.
He proceeds to drone on about several questions I would consider to be pretty tedious. My patience at this point is waning to nearly nothing. Finally, I break in after doing mental calculations on whether or not it will be worth it, and realizing that he’s in no position in the company to cause me any grief:
“Todd, question for you.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you remember those nature specials, like Wild Kingdom?”
“Yeah?”
“And do you remember what generally happened if something got between an animal and his food?”
“Yea-oh.”
“Right. Email me on the rest. Food now. Eat.”
“Oh… OK.”
ARRR UM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
…by a committee consisting of myself and a sawed-off shotgun.
Seriously. The new programmer who has the cube on the other side of mine has “Bananaphone” as a fucking ringtone. I am about to lose my goddamned mind. The sped-up version of Bananaphone. My eyes bleed and bile gathers in my mind. The walls of my vision close in, tinged with flickering dark shapes of squamous horror. Surely the end is coming now. It must be coming. All else and the universe is fraudulent and cruel.
abacinate
Verb 1. abacinate - blind by holding a red-hot metal plate before someone’s eye
Slow day, boombox, Justin Timberlake CD. The premise is bad enough. And then people start dancing.
Luckily, I was able to fire off a suitably damning one-liner to crush all souls.
“Ed, I hate to say this, but you couldn’t bring sexy back if you had a gift receipt.”
Booyah.
People who think that the “@” is an ampersand.
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